


My Perfect Hunter

by Nainblood



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:27:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23229352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nainblood/pseuds/Nainblood
Summary: A 15 year old Castiel is rescued by Dean Winchester from what could’ve been a very horrific vampire attack.From that night, Castiel finds his new home with the Winchester brothers. As years go by, Castiel soon realizes that his simple admiration towards Dean is far more than what he had anticipated...
Relationships: Dean/Castiel
Comments: 11
Kudos: 46





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that I’m not a frequent writer. Heck, I’m very bad at writing. This is my second attempt at writing something and I’m not very good with proper grammar, vocabulary and so many other stuff. So, please be kind. Haha. 
> 
> Note: 
> 
> ⚠️: a general warning for sensitive and adult content. 
> 
> Kindly note that this fic also has major  
> age gap between Dean and Cas. (Dean is 10 years older than Cas)  
> Note: no underage sex.  
> Cas will be at least 18 or over when/if anything of that sort is to take place. 
> 
> I apologize in advance if the Characters seem a bit OOC. Just writing my version of Dean and Cas in this sort of canon AU fantasy. 
> 
> Let me know if there’s any major warning I missed out on. 
> 
> Thanks 🙂

Castiel Novak has been living with the Winchesters for three years now.  
He was adopted by the brothers when he was 15. Well, not adopted per se, ‘rescued’ is a more apt word.  
And Castiel will be forever grateful since that time Dean had found him in the corner of that awful and stinky alley, hurt and bleeding and so so confused .  
He was attacked by a vampire! A freaking vampire. 

3 years ago, Castiel didn’t even know these creatures existed. Only read about them in books and watched a few tv shows and movies regarding the blood suckers.  
When the brothers told him that it’s not only the vampires that exist, but every nasty creature, demon, ghosts... things that go bumping in the night, the monster under your bed... they all existed!  
Castiel was in shock for 5 days straight. 

He couldn’t go home because he ran away from the place he stayed at. He was living in an orphanage and was badly and unfairly treated. He couldn’t take it anymore. So he ran... but found himself in a worser situation.  
But Dean! God bless his soul. Dean found him and rescued him. Took him to the ‘bunker’. Told his brother about the whole situation.  
And to Castiel’s great luck, the brothers decided to keep him .  
Dean brought him some clothes from the thrift shop, provided him with a hearty meal every day (Dean’s burgers were his favorite, it made him so happy),  
Also, the brothers somehow got enough money to cater for his academic needs. 

What else could Castiel ask for? The Winchesters came into his (shitty) life and rescued him. He was so blessed. As the days went by, Cas became more and more intrigued about the Winchester brothers hunting life. He found it so endearing and brave. Absolutely amazing. The way the brothers risked their life everyday to save the innocent. He wanted to help them as well. He wanted to be a hunter. But every time he broached the topic, Dean shut him off.  
“The answer is no! You’re too young and it’s way too dangerous, you won’t survive the hunting life”  
And that was it. He could never argue with Dean. No ifs and buts. He couldn’t even convince Sam. 

But things changed a bit one day when he was walking to school and was almost attacked by a supernatural creature. Sam came at the right time and handled the situation.  
Sam told Dean that Castiel at least needs to learn some self defense. It’s a dangerous world out there, and the teen should be able to protect himself. The brothers won’t be around all the time.  
Dean gruffly agreed and decided that he’ll get his training everyday for an hour.  
For some reason, Castiel wanted his training teacher to be the eldest Winchester. Since he met him, he aspired to be like him. Dean... Dean was great. He was strong, courageous, brave. He was kind, he was funny. The way he moved, laughed, smiled. Castiel appreciated everything about him.  
As days. weeks, months, went by... Castiel’s admiration changed into a crush. He has no idea when it happened. But if he dates back, maybe it was brought into his attention more clearly during his 17th birthday. When he was finally able to beat Sam at pool, he was overjoyed and ran towards Dean’s room to tell him (Dean was also his pool coach) .  
And as he ran towards Dean he didn’t see the wet piece of rag lying on the wooden floor and so he slipped and found himself on top of a very startled Dean. He found himself on top of his favorite hunter, on his bed, face so close to his perfect sculptured one. Castiel couldn’t stop staring. His heart skipped a beat, felt his cheeks warm up.  
Dean just chuckled and in his husky voice said,  
“Woah! Cas, where’s the fire?”  
And Cas ! Stupid, idiot Cas found himself dumbstruck. 

As days went by, Castiel’s crush grew. Oh how it grew. Now he was always so aware of Dean. A little brush, a little touch, when Dean sat close to him on the couch, when Dean sort of embraced him from behind when he taught him pool, well, to Dean it obviously wasn’t embracing, he was just teaching him how to keep his posture right, but to Cas, shit, he felt goose flesh develop in his entire body. It happened every time Dean came close. It was crazy. 

It was impossible not to fall for Dean. But he always hid this truth with all his might. He knows Dean would never return his feelings. He knew Dean cared for him. But he would never see Cas in that light. Whenever Cas would say something particularly amusing, the older Winchester would just ruffle his hair.  
“You’re such a weird, kid. You know that?” 

A kid! Dean always saw him as a kid. But Cas decided to wait. A few more months and he’ll be eighteen. He’ll be legal. He won’t be a “kid” anymore.  
Maybe then he might have a chance? Maybe then if he tried to woo Dean, he might reciprocate? 

Oh how Cas prayed every night that Dean would see him in that light. Oh how he wanted to be grabbed by the strong hunter and kissed senseless. He wanted to wake up every morning in Dean’s bed. He wanted to accompany him to every hunt, he wanted to be the one who’d bandage his wounds. He wanted to be the one who’d kiss him and comfort Dean when he tried to fight back tears during days when he missed his mum. He wanted to be his... 

~ 

To say Cas was nervous was an understatement. His birthday is in 2 days.  
Dean had actually asked him what he wanted for his 18th birthday. Said he deserves a celebration because he’s reaching his adulthood.  
Why? Why was Dean Winchester so freakin perfect?  
Cas told him he didn’t want anything yet.  
“I... Um. Can I tell you on the day. I mean, at 12am. Of...of what I want..” 

Dean just chuckled and ruffled his hair again.  
“Okay kiddo, whatever you want...”

“I’m not a kid anymore, Dean! haven’t been for a long time! And I’ll be 18 in just a few days.” 

Cas has no idea why he snapped. But his reaction made Dean super serious for some reason. He put his coffee mug down and walked up towards Cas, standing real close. And damn it! Cas erupted in goosebumps again. The hunter looked him in the eyes. 

“Cas, buddy, look at me...  
I don’t mean this in a bad way. You’re one of the smartest, most mature and the strongest teenager I know. I’m proud of you. Proud of everything you are. Never forget that. What I mean is that even if you’re 30, you’ll remain a kid to me man. You’ll remain my responsibility... I’ll take care of you. As long as I can” 

Cas. He didn’t know what to say to that. Didn’t know if he should laugh or cry. Dean, he truly cares for him. Which is good. Really. He appreciates that about him. Nobody cared about him that way. Ever.  
Shit! Will he always see Castiel as a kid? As a little brother or something? Wait! Does Dean even bet for the other team? He’s never seen him pick a guy before when they’re out. Whenever he talked about his sexual encounters, it was always with women.  
(it hurt Cas to hear those stories but Dean never dated and only had one night stands so Cas consoled himself with that fact),  
Cas is going to get his broken, isn’t he? He wants to run. Far far away from all these feelings. But whenever he looks at Dean, he can’t help but fall... 

He can’t... he can’t go on like this. Can’t go on sharing the same space with Dean and not being able to kiss him, not being able touch him the way he wants to be touched, not being able to be touched my the hunter the way he so badly needs to be touched. He needs to tell him. Can’t hide this truth anymore. It’s suffocating.  
He has decided, as soon as it’s 12am and when Dean would come to his room to wish him first (like he does every year), he would just ask him. He’ll take the risk. He’ll go crazy if he doesn’t. 

“Promise me, that you’ll give me whatever I ask for” 

Dean just looks at him for a moment and does that smile which Castiel finds absolutely sexy.  
“I promise...”

~

It’s 11:59 and Cas hears a knock on his door...

In comes Dean, with a grin on his face, eyes sparkling, and beautiful as ever. Shit! He’s such a goner. 

“Happy Birthday, Cas! Man, can’t believe you’re 18 already”  
And with that, he gives him a hug. A big bear hug. Cas holds on tightly...not wanting to let go. Dean doesn’t mind so he tries to absorb as much of Dean as he can.  
Who knows, this could be his last hug. Dean wouldn’t want anything to do with him after he confesses his feelings.  
No no no! He needs to stop over thinking this. Gotta be positive for once.  
Unfortunately, the hug eventually ends. Dean looks at him, gives him a boyish pat on his shoulder and says:  
“So, big day huh. It’s officially your birthday now. Come on buddy, out with it. What do you want for your birthday?” 

The moment was finally here. The moment Castiel dreaded and anticipated at the same time. Cas feels as if his heart will come out of his chest.  
With a shaky voice he whispers,  
“You” 

~

Dean just stares at him.  
Seconds...minutes go by. And everything is suddenly so silent. Castiel can hear his own heartbeat which suddenly increases by times 2 speed as he registers the look on Dean’s face. 

“Woah! Cas, umm, buddy... you do know what that implies right, I...” 

There’s an awkward chuckle by the hunter.  
Shit shit shit. Everything’s gonna fall apart. Cas is desperate. He needs to do something before Dean rejects him and breaks him.  
Cas brings himself real close to his hunter, grabs onto his henley and starts babbling...  
“D Dean, please. You, you have no idea how long iv been wanting to tell you this. Please hear me out first. I know all this must seem so crazy, so bizarre to you. But Dean, I... iv fallen for you. So madly and deeply. You literally saved my life, you gave me hope, you rescued me from a shitty life gave me a home which I can call my own. Sam, too. I love him. He’s like the brother I always wanted. But you...Dean, you take my breath away. Every. single. time.  
You make me smile during times I feel like crying, you lift me up when I feel like I’m falling apart. You... Dean you mean so much to me. Please give me a chance. I know, I know you’re ten years older than me, I know that you’re afraid of commitment, I know how crazy I may sound right now, I know that I’m prolly not your type. But, please give me a chance. Please don’t hate me. Dean I, i think I’m in l...” 

But before he could complete his sentence he’s abruptly stopped by the hunter. Dean breathes in while closing his eyes and creates a very clear distance between him and Castiel.  
“Cas! Stop, stop talking. Please man. I can’t... you. This is not happening. I... wow. I’m outta words right now. How can you..? Shit sorry. I...”  
He closes his eyes again, tries to compose himself. Tries to articulate the right words to say to Cas without breaking his heart.  
But Cas sees the look of horror on his face and there’s a sinking feeling in his heart. 

“Cas, listen to me. You’re young. So very young. This... all these that you’re feeling, it’s just an infatuation man. We’re family. I care for you. I’ll do anything for you, just like the way I’d do anything for Sammy. These things happen. I understand. Iv been there. Heck, I had a huge crush on my economics teacher in high school, told Sammy I’d marry her and nobody else. But you know what, as time went by, I grew out of those feelings. It was just a crush. Dated so many other girls in school after that and whenever I saw my economics teacher after that year, I just kinda laughed to myself. It was just a phase which I eventually got over. I got over her. Cas, buddy... What you feel for me, it’s just a tini little crush, which btw makes me feel really flattered. Anyone would be so darn lucky to have you.  
But with me, Cas... it’s just a crush that you’ll get over eventually. It happens to every teenager. It’s totally normal. I... dude! I’ll never hate you for this, you hear me. You are very important to me... and Sam. You’re part of our team.” 

Cas tried to speak but is once again disrupted... 

“Go to bed, Cas. It’s late. We’ll talk in the morning if you want. Sam and I have planned something for your birthday tomorrow. It’s gonna be awesome” 

With that, Dean (awkwardly) pats him on the shoulder and instantly leaves the room. Leaving a very heart broken Castiel all alone. 

~  
The next morning, Cas wakes up feeling like shit. He barely slept. Cried throughout the night. He feels so emotionally drained. But he doesn’t blame Dean. He understands that he would never be able to return Castiel’s feelings. He could have told Cas to leave the bunker, could’ve told him off but Dean is a good man. And Cas still loves him. Oh how he...  
Shit. Cas is in love. If he knew that loving someone would hurt this bad, he would’ve never allowed himself to fall in the first place. 

Cas doesn’t know if he should be disappointed or glad. Because Dean is acting so normal. He serves Cas a hearty serve of ‘Dean’s Special pancakes’ like he does every Sunday morning. With some extra bacon and sausages because it’s Cas’ birthday.  
Sam gives him a big hug and a stack of Castiel’s favorite book series as present. Dean says he’ll treat Cas with a fun ‘boys night out’ for his birthday.  
But Cas doesn’t want a ‘fun’ night out. He just wants to go back to his room and sleep till his heart stops hurting. But he manages to smile. Smile because he owes it to Sam and Dean. He needs to smile because he has no right to be bitter and miserable towards his Dean. He’ll take Dean’s offer in an attempt to normalize the conversation they had the previous night. He’ll go for the so called boys night out. 

~  
They’re at a club, celebrating Castiel’s 18. Dean buys him drinks. And because Castiel is aching and trying hard to get over his feelings, he drinks... and drinks and drinks.  
He drinks till he loses control of his tongue and starts blabbering as soon as Sam excuses himself to the bathroom. Now that they are alone for the first time since last night, there’s a hint of awkwardness and fear in Dean’s face. But Cas is too drunk to care.  
He shoves his pointy finger on Dean’s (very firm) chest and just let’s lose:  
“You, Dean Winchester had no right to reduce my feelings for you into a mere crush! I’m fucking old enough to know the difference between a stupid crush and love. I know how I feel. I know that this isn’t just a phase. You had no right to take this so lightly and act as if everything is okay. You had no right to brush me off like that. You didn’t even let me finish what I wanted to say last night. There’s so much I admire about you Dean, but shit. You can be so fucking infuriating sometimes. I love you, you hear me! And I cannot stop...” 

With that he turns to leave the place, he’s a bit tipsy and crashes onto another dude who eyes him up creepily. Cas is too drunk to notice and goes to apologize but is then suddenly being grabbed by the wrist by a very firm, strong hand and is quickly being dragged away from the crowd. This person is really very insistent to get Cas away from everyone. And it angers him. But funnily enough, he lets himself be dragged away. After a few seconds, Cas finds himself outside the club and face to face to a very pissed off Dean Winchester. 

~

Cas is drunk and inebriatd, yes. But he still has enough sense to gage the pissed off look on Dean’s face. He does not look happy. And for some reason Cas suddenly feels really stupid for acting the way he did. But he’s not sorry. He needed to make a stand for himself and let it all out. He goes to speak but unfortunately, the hunter stops him again.  
“Cas! I think that’s enough. You’re really drunk, you’re behaving like a child and you don’t know what all you’re saying. It’s your birthday and I want you to enjoy and have fun. But I think we should just call it a night....” 

For some reason, Dean’s tone makes Cas sober up. Shit! He fucked up. He shouldn’t have spoken to him like that. He has never spoken to Dean like this before. God knows what Dean must think of him now. 

“Dean, I... I’m so so sorry. Please, I didn’t mean to say all that like that, I was just really hurt and blabbered, you must hate me right now, I’m so sorry.. please I...” 

And annoyingly, Cas can’t speak any longer because he’s freaking crying like a kid and he’s not able to speak coherently and no no no , he’s a freaking mess, he can’t be like this in front of him, he needs to freaking stop crying. But these damn tears just won’t stop. He’s sobbing, but suddenly, there’s a tiny little gasp that comes out of Castiel’s mouth because there are gentle but strong fingers tenderly wiping away his tears and shit. He’s so close to him, those eyes staring at him with concern and not hate. He can’t stop being in love. He’ll never get over Dean Winchester. 

And because he’s drunk and because he’s an emotional wreck, he whispers something really very foolish. 

“Kiss me” 

There’s an awkward silence. This has never happened between them. With Dean, nothing was ever awkward. But now, there’s this thickness... this tension in the air and Cas doesn’t know how to make it go away. 

~

“Woah Cas, buddy. Please listen to me. I can’t, I can’t do that. This isn’t right. And you’re drunk and not in your right mind right now. You don’t know what you’re saying, you don’t know what you want. It wouldn’t be right of me to... Cas please. Let’s just go home yea?” 

“Dean, please, I may be a bit drunk but I’m perfectly aware of what I’m saying and what I want. You promised you’ll give me anything I asked for for my birthday. I don’t want anything more. I don’t, I don’t want anything else. I’m not asking that we start something. I got your message loud and clear last night. I’m never going to talk about this again...never. Never again, I promise. I just, I just want this one little thing. Just one kiss, Dean. Iv never been kissed before. Never experienced it. Never felt... I, I want you to be my first, Dean I...” 

And suddenly Cas feels those goosebumps erupt all over his body when he feels Dean’s warm breath against his lips. Cas feels as if his heart has stopped beating. Is he, is he going to do it? Is he really going to do it? There’s only a tiny little space left between them to close that infuriating gap. And he’s so tempted to close it. But he doesn’t wanna do anything in case Dean decides to retrieve, he won’t force anything on him, he’ll give him as much time as he requires. 

Cas feels a gentle little kiss on the side of his mouth and it’s so sweet that Cas feels like crying all over again. But this time, it’ll be tears of happiness. There’s another soft kiss on his left cheek and then... then, he leans towards his head, his hands on his cheeks, and places a soft kiss on his forehead. Cas can’t help but smile. And then...

Then nothing. Cas opens his eyes and finds Dean standing a bit far from him now. He looks at Cas and with a very stern and authoritative voice says, 

“I’m taking you home now. No ifs and buts”

~  
To be continued.


	2. Chapter 2

Cas wakes up the next morning with a pit in his stomach and a massive headache.  
He’s never doing this to himself ever again. Alcohol is going to be off limits from now on.

There’s a soft knock on his door and without further warning, in comes Dean with a hearty serve of greasy breakfast and a glass of fresh orange juice. As soon as he sees the hunter, he gets a very vivid recollection of the things that happened the previous night and suddenly Cas feels intensely embarrassed and guilty. He acted so poorly last night. And... fuck. He, he freakin asked Dean to kiss him. But he also remembers the gentle and sweet way Dean gave him those two butterfly kisses. It wasn’t on the mouth but it was still something. And just thinking about Dean’s perfect lips on his skin made Castiel swoon. 

“Good morning sunshine. How’s the headache?” 

This made Cas get out of his reverie and focus on what Dean was saying. Wait, how’d Dean know? 

The hunter chuckles, puts the plate down and makes himself comfortable on the side of Castiel’s bed (like he always does) Cas cherishes these moments. Since he started living with them, Dean would usually come to Castiel’s room, he’d sit on the side of his bed, tell him all about their recent hunt. Cas would always bomabard him with questions, eagerly listening and taking notes. Sam had said that when he’s twenty one, Cas could join them on hunts, till then he needs to focus at school and continue training with Dean at the bunker. So he wants to be as informed and as aware as possible. Plus, listening to Dean is always the highlight of his day. 

But today, he feels so shitty and so uneasy. 

“Dean, I’m so sorry. I acted so poorly last night. I would never, I caused you so much unnecessary trouble. I sincerely apologize for my behavior. I’ll make sure this never happens again...” 

“Cas, it’s okay man. You don’t have to apologize. You were drunk. All is good. Don’t stress, buddy. Here, have your breakfast and get ready for school” 

With that, Dean ruffles his already messy hair and leaves the room. He... didn’t even mention anything about Castiel’s insistent grill about the kiss from the previous night. Didn’t even seem angry or upset. Acted as if he’s not affected by any of this. Not affected at all. Cas should be relived but he just feels so on the edge now. That nagging feeling when something is pushed under the rug. 

Well, if Dean wants this subject to be dropped, if it makes him so uncomfortable. Maybe Castiel should respect that and never discuss this thing again. He should just let this go. He can’t say for sure if he’ll ever stop loving Dean. But he loves him enough to not give him unwarranted stress and so he will keep his feelings at bay. He’ll go on with his daily routine like he always does. Heck, he’ll act as if none of these affects him. Yea, he could do that. 

So to normalize things, Cas goes the extra mile and persuades himself to maybe go on a date. It won’t be a full proof strategy but he can at least try and get Dean out of his head... and heart.  
So after a month, he builds enough courage and emotional stability to finally say yes to his fellow mate from school who has been persistently asking him out for a date for a long time now. He knows how it feels to be rejected. He doesn’t want this poor guy to go through what he’s going through. Maybe a date is what Castiel needs right now. 

One Friday night Cas comes to the bunker library to let Sam and Dean know that he is going out. Sam looks up at him and grins. 

“Wow, someone’s all decked up. You look good, Cas. Hot date?” 

Castiel’s cheeks turn pink. Gosh, he needs to stop blushing. 

“Actually.... yes. There’s a date. I’m going on my first date” 

As soon as he says that, he sees the looks of bewilderment and...and something else on the older brother’s face. But then after a second, Dean just gives him that big boyish smile, stands up and chuckles. 

“Way to go dude. I’m so stoked for you. First date huh? Where are you taking her?...” 

Castiel looks at his hunter and frowns. By now Dean should know that he’s gay, he made it quite clear.  
But maybe he thinks Cas is bi or something. He shouldn’t really get worked up over small things like this. 

“Actually, ‘he’ is taking me out. It’s a.. it’s this new Chinese restaurant. Not very far from here...” 

Cas can’t understand why Dean’s demeanor suddenly changes. He looks less thrilled and more upset? No. Why should he be upset?. Maybe he looks concerned..?  
Argh. Cas needs to stop over-analyzing every little face expression Dean makes. He needs to stop obsessing over him. This is the night where he should allow himself some distraction. This night will be a good diversion. He needs to concentrate on enjoying himself tonight and focus on another guy apart from Dean for once. Yea, he could do that. He’s gonna get over this. Heck, maybe he’ll get his first kiss tonight. Who knows. 

“Okay bud, have an awesome night. And call me once you’re done. I can come pick you...” 

He waves the brothers goodbye and leaves the bunker. A little nervous but also eager to see how this night would turn out.  
~

It’s 11:30pm when Cas returns home. He’s later than he expected to be. But well, it was a lovely night. But, not perfect.  
He also wants to kinda punch himself. The thing is, as they finished that delicious dinner and went for a quiet walk, Gadreel tried to kiss him. It was the perfect setting for a perfect kiss. The dinner was good, the conversation wasn’t awakard at all. Gadreel even managed to make Cas laugh... more than once. And as they walked, Cas could tell that Gadreel was purposely inching closer, waiting for Cas to turn. And as Cas turned with a smile, he leaned in. Cas was going to get his first kiss, so what if it isn’t Dean. He was trying to move on...he was trying to forget.  
But at the last second, Cas fucking bolts. He takes a step back and changes the subject. Chickens out at the last minute because he has never kissed anyone before and he is pretty sure he is going to suck. 

He always imagined Dean would be his first kiss. But that’s never going to happen. Cas starts to randomly talk about bees to avoid the sudden awkwardness, but it only makes things more awkward. Gadreel’s face changes and Cas is pretty sure he gets the message. Shit. Why couldn’t Cas just let this thing happen? Why does he have to be so uptight? It’s not making things any easier.  
But Gadreel is sweet, he drops him home (Cas has to lie s about his residence and tells him to drop him to this old house that’s quite close to the bunker, he promised the brothers that he wouldn’t tell anyone about the bunker. It could be dangerous) and before saying goodbye, Gadreel tells him that he had a wonderful night and would love to do it again. Cas isn’t sure if he’s honest or if he’s just being polite. But he agrees for a second date anyway. Maybe the universe took pity on him and is giving Castiel another chance.  
~ 

As soon as Cas opens the door, he sees Dean. Wide awake, sitting at the bunker table, munching on yesterday’s pizza and staring at some book that’s opened in front of him. He looks bored and disinterested with whatever he is reading. 

As soon as Dean hears the bunker door, he looks up and stands. Waiting for Cas to come down. As soon as Cas stands face to face with Dean he notices that Dean is staring at him weirdly, as if trying to observe his face. It confuses Castiel. 

“Hey Cas. Seems like you had a good night. Been out for a long time..” 

“Dean, you’re still awake...” 

“Yea, I was waiting for your call. Thought you might need a ride back home. Anyways, how... how’d the date go? You had fun?...” 

Cas might be wrong, but Dean looks a bit on edge and jittery right now. As if he is uncomfortable.

“It was really good. I enjoyed myself. Gadreel is a very well mannered and interesting person. I particularly liked his company.” 

“Oh. I’m glad you had a good night, dude. So um, did you... you know..” 

And then he gives Cas a wink. And Cas knows that Dean is asking him if anything particularly ‘romantic’ happened. Cas doesn’t feel like talking anymore. 

“Um... Dean, I’m really tired. Gonna just hit the bed now” 

As he turns to leave, there’s that firm hand again. Grasping Castiel’s wrist. Stopping him from leaving. He pulls Cas a bit so that he would turn and face the hunter again. Why is Dean doing this? Why can’t he just let him be? It’s going to make things even more difficult. 

“Cas, what’s wrong?” 

Cas suddenly feels overwhelmed by his emotions. Is he never going to be able let someone else in his life? He can’t even freakin get himself to have a simple kiss. He’s going to end up alone, isn’t he? 

Cas remains silent. Which just makes Dean inch closer. 

“Hey, look at me. What’s wrong?” 

And Cas can’t lie. He’s too tired and he’s just exhausted. 

“I... couldn’t do it. He tried to kiss me, and I was too chicken shit to let it happen. I’m a mess. I’m freakin eighteen! And I still haven’t even held another person’s hand that way, I still shy away from a simple kiss like some high school freshman. When, when he tried to kiss me, I got so overwhelmed and scared by the fact that I’ll suck at kissing that I started talking about random stuff like some big weirdo. I, he prolly thinks I’m...” 

And then Dean puts his palm on his cheek and smiles. 

“Cas, it’s okay. Don’t stress yourself. When the time is right, it’ll just happen. And you won’t suck. Well, a first kiss is hardly perfect. But it’s never forgotten. Don’t think too much about it okay. If this dude is any good, he should probably understand. It’s not a big deal...” 

And suddenly, Cas snaps. 

“Not a big deal! Dean. I... maybe all this was easy for you when you were in school. Maybe you were a natural with all your romantic encounters. But I’m not. And I get so damn strung out even thinking about it. Tonight, when he came close, I knew he was about to kiss me. And I was trying so hard to analyze it in my head on how to reciprocate and and not be bad at it and you know what? My mind suddenly went blank. How could I fucking know how to reciprocate? Iv never been kissed bef....” 

And then Castiel’s blabbering turns into a muffled gasp as there’s a warm pair of a very gentle yet insistent lips giving him the perfect first kiss...


	3. Chapter 3

Cas feels like he’s in a dream. A perfect dream.  
His whole body is alert, but in the best possible way.  
The butterflies in his stomach are going crazy. He feels all warm and tingly inside.  
He gasps and whimpers as Dean Winchester kisses him. How can a kiss be the best freakin thing he has ever experienced?  
Maybe it’s not the act of kissing entirely.  
Maybe because it’s Dean who is doing it.  
He kisses back and as he shyly grasps Dean’s shoulders for leverage, that’s when Dean abruptly pulls away. 

There’s a foreign look on his hunter’s face. A look he can’t place. Dean speaks, very softly.  
“You don’t suck” 

Cas is still kinda in the bubble and isn’t able to fully process what Dean had just said.  
He opens his eyes and takes a deep breath. 

“Wh...what?” 

Dean smiles. That sweet smile he always gives Cas. And fuck. Cas loves him. 

“I said, you don’t suck. You don’t suck at kissing. And for your first time, you were pretty good.” 

Cas feels as if he’s in some sort of alternate universe where everything he has ever dreamt of is magically happening. Does.... does this mean that Dean might feel the same way. Is he really... 

“There you go, you’ve had your first kiss. And I can testify you’re not bad at it. Not at all. Now, you don’t have to get so worked up over it the next time you go on a date with that dude from school or any body else. You’ll be fine, buddy. Don’t stress. You’re tired. Time for you to go to bed....Night, kiddo” 

And with that, Dean awkwardly ruffles his hair and makes U-turn to his bedroom, leaving Cas in the hall. Frozen in place. Cas feels numb for a few seconds. Then the tears starts flowing. Dean... he, he kissed him for practice?  
It.... it didn’t mean anything to him? He was just helping him learn, just like how he teaches him pool and sparing. This kiss, it was just a mere lesson. He didn’t do it because he liked Cas and retuned his feelings. No, he... he did it out of pity. To help him experience how it is to kiss someone. He was helping him because Cas is dumb and stupid and still... still a freakin kid! That’s all this is. That’s all Cas is to Dean. A stupid teenager who needs to learn how to kiss.  
A kid that Dean needs to look after.  
Cas feels his heart break all over again.  
~  
Two weeks goes by.  
Life goes back to normal. Well, as normal as Cas can manage to pretend. Dean does not want what Cas wants. Dean Winchester is a good man. And Cas loves him, he deeply cares for him. He would never wanna do anything to upset or disappoint him. 

For a few days, Cas could detect that Dean was a bit awkward around him. But the hunter tried his best to act as if everything is sweet. That Castiel’s confession wasn’t a big deal, that that kiss meant nothing. So for his sake, Cas acted as well. He acted as if all those things that happened a fortnight ago never really happened.  
But Cas just cannot get rid of all these feelings. Since that night that Dean had kissed him, it was like a flood gate had opened. All these feelings of ‘want’ and ‘need’ heightened. Every time he looked at Dean, every time the hunter smiled at him, he wanted to just kiss him. Wanted to feel those insistent perfect lips again. He wanted Dean to kiss him and touch him and.... and he wanted to be his. 

So Cas starts looking for excuses in order to be close to Dean. Excuses that would make Dean touch him. It’s wrong, he should not trick him like this. But when Dean comes close, everything just feels right. Cas might not be able to have a romantic relationship with Dean, but at least he could have this. And he will take anything he can get. Beggars can’t be choosers.  
So Cas would ask Dean to teach him stuff like how to shoot a gun.  
And even though he is a fast learner and learnt almost perfectly on how to shoot within a few days, he acts indifferent and persistently tells Dean to help him out because,  
“Sorry Dean, I just...I really need coaching on this. I think it’s my stance, maybe I’m not standing right. Sorry to bother you so much but can you please show me how to keep my posture right while I shoot...” 

And Dean would just roll his eyes but he’d oblige anyway. He would stand right behind Cas and Cas would just stand there, soaking it all in. Dean’s smell, his warm breath, his husky voice... his closeness. Cas turns to putty every time Dean is in his personal space. And he cherishes each and every single second of it. Times like this, Cas let’s his mind wander and allows himself this new happiness. Pretends as if they are a couple. As if it’s something intimate. 

Cas would ask Dean to teach him how to bake pie. And Dean...sweet, perfect Dean would enthusiastically give him cooking lessons. Because apparently,  
“Sammy can’t cook to save his life and I need to pass on my talent to someone. You, my buddy will continue with this legacy. From mouth watering burgers to heavenly pies, I will teach you everything, Cas”.  
Oh and how Cas wants to learn everything from his hunter. 

Cas continues to build up scenarios like this. Instances where he would ask Dean for help for certain things... for an outsider, who doesn’t know them, it might kind of seem like they are dating. But Dean does not seem to mind and is maybe oblivious to everything that is happening. So Cas does not stop. Sam gives them weird looks sometimes and tries to hide his smirk every time Dean is in Castiel’s personal space. Sometimes Cas gets this hunch that Sam knows. That maybe he has figured out Castiel’s feelings for his big brother. But he has never asked Cas. Sam is always pretty straight forward. He speaks his mind, doesn’t bit around the bush. So if he knew, be would have already asked Cas about what’s happening, would have told him that it would never work out. But Sam never said anything. Maybe, like Dean... he also treats Castiel’s feelings for Dean as something minor. A phase. It doesn’t really matter to be honest. Even if Sammy knew, and if maybe, just maybe he talked to Dean about it, about how he should give Cas a chance, it wouldn’t change Dean’s mind. He just doesn’t see him in that light.  
But at least Cas gets to see this soft, kind, fun loving part of Dean on a daily basis. He wonders if his temporary romantic/sexual partners ever got to see this side of him. To the outside world Dean may seem like this ruthless hunter who ‘shoots first and asks questions later’. 

But Dean is confident, cool, and extremely loyal. Dean cultivates a bad-boy personality, and makes sarcastic jokes at even the most morbid times. Teasing Sam is one of his favorite pastimes. Underneath, though, he’s become hardened by life as a warrior. But with Cas, with Cas he’s always so.... so affectionate. Cas doesn’t know how to clearly explain it. But with Cas, he becomes unselfish, supportive, attentive and and...tender. It fills Cas’ insides with warmth. To be the only one (besides Sam) to get an insight on this part of Dean Winchester. To be the one to experience it...

~

Cas knows it’s childish and stupid. But one Friday afternoon he buys a water gun from the Kid’s Store which is just outside his school. He has a plan. It’s dopey. His idea is obtuse. But hey! It’s another tactic to draw Dean’s attention to him. So who cares? 

He finds Dean in the tv room, watching some romcom. Sam is out for his afternoon run. It’s just Dean and Cas for now. Perfect.

Dean is on his 5th slice of pizza when he feels his face being attacked by a....  
a freaking water gun. He abruptly stands up from his recliner, wipes his face and just stares at Cas. Cas, who’s standing there in Dean’s old pjs, AC/DC shirt and a green water gun. He goes to speak, to ask the teen what on earth he is doing when there’s another splash of water, this time it’s more forceful. Because this time, the little fucker is standing closer. Cas starts giggling.  
“Sorry Dean, I was bored. And water guns are my favorite. Since you won’t let me use the real ones whenever I want, I thought I’d start with this. Plus, it’s super fun” 

With that, he sprays some more water on him. His eyes sparkling, there’s this look on Cas’ face, this mischievous glint. He looks so innocent and.... so happy. And who is Dean to rip this happiness away from him. So he obliges him. Like he always does. 

“Oh Cas, it’s game on!” 

With that, he gets hold of Castiel’s hand and rips the water gun from him, fully intent on returning the favor. (It’s childish, Dean knows. But it’s Cas. And it doesn’t matter. As long as the kid’s happy. And Dean just.... he always feels like himself with him, not the hunter that his father made him to be, with Cas, he’s able to put his guards down)  
Okay but Cas is way too first and suddenly he is running away. Dean chases him.  
Cas bolts towards Dean’s room and finds Dean right behind him. There is no way out. Shit! 

He sees Dean, moving towards him. There’s this playful yet predatory look on his face. And goodness! Cas’ heart rate has suddenly increased but it’s not because of the running.  
Cas takes slow steps backwards and hears a thump when his back hits the bedroom wall. Dean corners him and in his husky voice he whispers, 

“Gotcha” 

Dean brings up the water gun and press the little plastic trigger. And... and nothing. Nothing happens. This little brat had used up all the water. The gun was empty. Cas starts giggling again. 

“Ohhh too bad. You’re wet, I’m not. Guess I win” 

The teen winks and starts to move away but chuck knows what comes over Dean because the next thing he knows, he’s getting a tight hold of Castiel’s wrist and is dragging him towards his bathroom. He pushes Cas inside the shower and opens the tap. He stands a few millimeters away from the shower to avoid getting wet. But Cas, he’s drenched. Dark hair sticking to his forehead. His clothes (Dean’s clothes) soaking wet.  
Blue eyes staring up at him, startled, blinking rapidly and wiping water out of his eyes, his eye lashes suddenly looks so long and dark. It it even possible for a dude to have lashes like those?  
Dean looks at the sight before him, chuckles and says: 

“Guess I win” 

Cas doesn’t reply. Just stares. And damn it! There’s this unexpected tension in the air between them. It’s so abrupt that it takes Dean by surprise. He is suddenly nervous. Feels on edge, feels like he should run. His mind is screaming at him to flee right away. But for some reason, the way Cas looks right now, it has Dean glued to the spot.  
Shit shit shit.


End file.
